Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
