This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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