So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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