my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
