nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
