he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Someone came in the potted fern
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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