Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
