the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
