Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
