i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
