he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she smelled like a LAN party
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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