I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
