i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
