i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
