i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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