You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
