you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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