I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
