Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize