i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We need a shit load of segways right now
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
