I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We got so high we made milksteak
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
