Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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