You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
