just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
