whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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