I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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