Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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