When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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