Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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