Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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