Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
