Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I need water and some morals
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
