my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
