i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
