Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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