I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
