miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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