I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
