I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
