some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
