There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
