i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
