you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize