At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
