I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize