Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
