Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
