Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize