I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
