i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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