wat bout pragnant strippers??
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
