never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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