I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
