I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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