I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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