dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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