I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
