I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
