This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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