Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
