what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
