I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
