She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
