I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
