I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
