oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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